Reflections

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9


I have been sitting in quiet reflection for about an hour now. Last night, I searched through my Bible to see if I could find some verse or some section that would find what my heart was looking for.

As today approached, I thought long and hard about how meaningful I wanted to make this post. And as I am sitting here now, I am on pins and needles counting down the next twenty minutes until my babies come home.

They have been gone for seven days.

That is the longest seperation I have ever had from my children.

And while I dreaded every single second leading up to it, I am finding it even harder to collect my thoughts for what I wanted to say in my first post of this brand new year.

So I'll start instead with a look back.

2010 was a bad year for me. I believe in all the years of my life, it was probably one of the worst.

I have until today avoided even commenting about why, which suprises me only because it is not a secret I have been keeping.

Bryan (my husband) and I seperated in January 2010.

As of September 2010, we were divorced.

I am starting a new year as a single woman. And this was my choice. But the funny thing is, this post has nothing to do with the past. I am learning very slowly that letting go of the past is the best thing for me.

So I want to talk about the future. The Bible verse at the very beginning of this post has literally been my life verse for 2010. And I have made the decision to just make it my life verse for 2011 as well.

Can I share with you some of the things I have learned as I left 2010 behind and moved forward into 2011?

1. God is faithful. God is good. And if he can bring you to it, he will bring you through it.

2. I have one of the best friends that God has ever blessed me with. God may have seen me through 2010, but I believe with all my heart that Amy Wade may have seen me through it just as much.

3. I have the most wonderful church family that the daughter of a King could ever ask for. I love my church family. I love that I am told on a regular basis that I am thought about, prayed for, and loved. That place is home to me.

4. I have three sisters, all of who I am old enough to have given birth to. Okay so I would have had to have been 12 to do so, but who cares? We have had our differences and squabbles at times, but there is nothing the three of them would not give to help me and my children. They spent this year being an emotional support system for me in more ways than I can list here.

5. I have been blessed with two of the greatest gifts in the entire world, who in just ten short minutes will be coming through the front door. I wish that I could begin to express that while 2010 was a bad year for me, two of the most precious people in my life were the reason I kept going: Gracie and James.

I wish I could express in words (and I just don't have the time and I am way too excited right now!) what being a mother to these two children has meant to my heart. I have said it before and I will say it again, if you are not a parent - even a mother - you just have no idea, until it happens to you, the kind of blessing that children can bring you. They change you. Literally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.

I was glad to see 2010 go. But I am waiting in anticipation of the great and wonderful things that God has in store for my family in 2011.

And as Joshua 1:9 reminds me every single day: I have no reason to fear. My strength is in the Lord because he is always with me!