Sunday, March 20, 2011

A Ressurected Heart

"Create in me a clean heart, O God..." (Psalm 51:10)
Five years ago this month, I gave my life to the Lord by walking the center aisle of the sanctuary in what is now my church home. Today I walked out of that sanctuary for what would be the last time. Tomorrow morning (and over the next several weeks) that old sanctuary that holds such special meaning in my heart will be redone. Repainted. Restored. And a word that my pastor said today that has been seared into my brain: Resurrected.

That wasn't the only word that stood out in my mind. It was something else that he said. "Wouldn't it be wonderful to walk back into this place in a few weeks - on ressurection a ressurected house...with ressurected hearts?"

And I think God has been working in my life and on my heart for weeks with that message. And today during that church service it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I gave my life to the Lord five years ago. What have I given him since then? I wish that I could tell you that I read my Bible every single day. Or that I remember to stop and pray on a regular basis for people in my life that are hurting and in need. That God gets just as much of my time as my children, my job, my hobbies, or even the internet do. If I told you any of that I would be lying to you.

What I am even more ashamed of is that while I have been putting God in line behind everything else he has walked me through one of the most painful situations I have faced in my life this far. And every step of the way I have acted like an ungrateful child.

I have spent almost the last three years of my life being angry. And bitter. Pointing the finger. Blaming everybody else.

I might not be perfect but I found ways to blame all my problems on all the other people in my life. Being so angry and so bitter can start to eat away at you.

And then I thought when this new year unfolded that everything was just going to fall into place. That things would start to look up.
And for the most part they have. I have come a long way from where I was several years - even one year ago - today.

And then I saw The Grace Card. And I don't think I understood it then but God was speaking to me even before I set foot in that movie theater. I had vowed that I was going to be the bigger person. I was going to act in a way that was positive, no matter who was involved in the situation. And I find myself saying that and even repeating it to other people - only to know that in my heart I felt something totally different.

There is still so much of that anger and bitterness that lingers. So much hate in my heart for people I feel have done wrong to me. And the Grace Card showed me that sometimes the people we are forced to love are the ones who are often the hardest.

You can't just say you are going to show love to someone if you aren't going to do it. Actions speak louder than words..don't they?

So I have decided that the word ressurected is going to take on a new meaning for me. Particularly when it comes to my ressurected heart.

I am declaring that I am not just going to talk the talk anymore. I am going to walk the walk. I am letting go of the anger and the bitterness. I am letting go of pointing the finger and playing the Blame Game.

My pity party ended a long time ago.

It is time to show love to a world of people who don't deserve it. It's funny how that works out, isn't it? Because there was a man who gave his life. On that old rugged cross. Bled and died. For a world of people who didn't deserve it.

So when I walk back into my church home when our newly remodeled sanctuary is ready, I can worship Him in a ressurected house - with my ressurected heart.

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