Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Good Enough

I had a God moment coming home in the car. It was today. The day before James' 2nd birthday. The day that we spent a few hours in the ER to find out if we needed stitches for a gash just above the right eye.

They ended up gluing the wound instead. James and I had a quick lunch in the hospital cafeteria, and then we packed up in the car to head home.

I glanced in the review mirror, my mind jumbled with a billion different thoughts. My sweet boy, his fresh wound now bandaged tightly with what the nurse called "Miracle Glue" was sound asleep.

I do that alot. Watching them sleep. I always just sit and stare in awe. And today it finally dawned on me. Like I said, I had a billion thoughts racing through my mind. I was coming down from the stress of the injury. A whiny toddler at the hospital. Frantic to see that the situation would resolve itself.

So I guess with this unexpected injury, his second birthday only a day away, and Gracie's first day of Kindergarten on the horizon, my emotions got the better of me.

And I thought about Mary. I wondered if Mary ever felt the feeling that I feel so many times when I look my sweet children in the face. A song recorded by Amy Grant called "Breath of Heaven" spells it out for me:

Do you wonder, as you watch my face
If a wiser one should've had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong, help me be strong

I look at the two sweetest, smiling faces I have ever seen and wonder what was so special about me that God blessed me in being their mother. I know that I can't protect James (or Gracie) from everything in this world that might hurt them. And I know that I am only blessed with the opportunity to raise them while they are with me.

But it amazes me that God thought enough of me to give me the opportunity to raise them. And care for them. And protect them as best I can. And sometimes that might be hard to do, or it might find me tired and struggling to just get through the day. But if in the end my kids are loved, they show love, and they learn as they walk this life that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them more than I do....then it is worth every single bump. And bruise. And I welcome every single God moment that brings me to a different understanding.

I look forward to watching them grow and learn, to witnessing firsthand the things that God has in store for their lives. I had tended to look at growing up as moving forward too fast. And sometimes it still hits me that way. But I am excited to see what God has in store for them.

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